Funny bird: A lady buys a couple of Eclectus. One day, the couple flies outside and lands on a tree. The lady, therefore, asks her neighbor to go get her two precious parrots. A few minutes later, it only returns with the female.
– Why did you leave my male in the tree? She asks, surprised.
– Because he didn’t seem quite ripe …
Funny bird Those chickens are up to something…
A pirate settles down at a tavern bar accompanied by his faithful parrot on his shoulder. He’s pretty messed up: a wooden leg, a hook for the hand, and an eye patch.
A puzzled young man comes and sits down next to him and begins a conversation that gently slides over the pirate’s infirmities. He ends up asking her how come he’s wearing a wooden leg?
The pirate explains, “I was standing at the bow of my boat and a wave knocked me overboard. A shark came and tore my leg off. My men barely picked me up.”
-Wow! what an adventure !, said the young man. And your hand, is it also a shark that took it from you?
-Noonnn! to answer the hacker. It was several years ago, in a memorable battle against the English, that one of those bastards cut my hand off with a saber.
The young man is very impressed and adds: “your eye there, is it your parrot who did that?
-In a way, replies the pirate. One day I was lying quietly in my bed, Jaco who was in heat, regurgitated me in the eye …
-What, is that all? exclaimed the young man! Parrot throwing, no fantastic stories, no battles? A parrot vomits you in the eye and you lose it?
-You see… it was the first day that I wore my hook!
Editor’s note: Noo… !!! Don’t tell me what you had thought of….Hon! Shame on you!
I don’t need to get married. I have three pets at home that fulfill the same role as a husband. I have a dog that growls in the morning, a parrot that swears in the afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. Marie Corelli
It is a little bird that has fallen from the nest and is completely frozen. A farmer passes by who,
seeing this poor little animal on the verge of freezing to death, places it
delicately in cow dung.
The happy little bird then begins to whistle. A fox hears him, says to himself
‘here are my dinner’ and approaches. He removes the Piaf from his dung, wipes it
, and presto, gobbles it up.
1. It is not because we put you in the shit that we necessarily want to hurt you.
2. Just because we got you out of the shit doesn’t mean we necessarily want you well.
3. When you’re in trouble, shut up.
– Animal testing is a very bad idea: animals get too stressed and suddenly they give wrong answers!
He’s a guy visiting his buddy. He finds him playing chess with his parrot !!! After having regained his senses, the guy said:
– I can’t believe my eyes! He is the smartest parrot I have ever seen !!!
And the other answers:
– Okay … He’s not that smart: I beat him three times out of the five games we played together.
What is the difference between a Congo gray and a Gabon gray?
– About 1000 kilometers!
What do you call a parrot with trimmed flight feathers?
We’re not calling him, we’re going to look for him!
He’s a guy trying to sell his parrot to his neighbor.
– My parrot can talk, I swear! And I’m selling it to you for $ 200.
The neighbor answers him:
– You do not think all the same to make me believe that?
And then, suddenly, the parrot looks up at the neighbor and says with
tears running down its beak:
– Please, sir, buy me. This man is cruel, he never gives me
food, he never washes me, he never takes me for a walk, while I am the most cunning parrot in the world. I have done tricks in front of the greatest in this world, and I have even gone to war and been decorated for my acts of bravery.
-Hey but he’s talking * really !!!!! Why do you want to sell it for
only $ 200 ???
-Oh … Because I’m sick of it! He can’t help but lie!
The parish priest has no altar boy to help him, but he has a learned parrot that he has trained to give him a hand during mass: he places it on a perch, next to the altar, and the bird places the faithful:
– The men on the left, the women on the right, the men on the left, the women on the right, …
One day, the priest surprises his parrot doing his business for a hen at the back of the garden.
– Creature of Satan! I will teach you to behave well, me!
And to punish the bird, he shaves off the beautiful puff of white feathers he had on his head and which made him proud!
Ashamed that he is the parrot! And at the next mass, the perch stashed in a dark corner next to the harmonium,
– The men on the left, the women on the right, the men on the left, the women on the right …
Enter two bald people … Then the parrot, suddenly perked up:
– … and the two hen fuckers, with me near the harmonium!
The other day at the cinema, I was already seated when in front of me an old man settles down, with his parrot next to him! The film begins and I am surprised to hear the parrot cry in the saddest moments of the film and to hear it giggle in
the funniest parts. At the end of the session, when the lights come back on, I go to see the old man and I ask him:
– You have an extraordinary parrot: He really looks like he liked the film!
And the old man answers:
– Yes … Besides, that surprises me because he had not liked the book at all!
Why did the cockatoo fall from the tree?
– Because he was dead.
Why did the second cockatoo fall from the tree?
– Because he was hit by the first cockatoo.
Why did the third cockatoo fall from the tree?
– Because he thought it was a game.
Why did the Australian fall off his bike?
– Because he took the three cockatoos in the face!
A young man asks his fiancée:
– Why do you think parrots are said to be cunning, mean, selfish?
– But because it must be true, my Coco!
Seen on the Internet -Small ad: “Great macaw for sale.
Eat anything. … Likes children very much”.
– Pierrot, were you the one who taught the parrot those bad words?
– No mom, I just listed the words he couldn’t say.
Two parrots on a pirate ship discuss:
– Do you know how to swim, asks the first one?
– No, but I can cry “help” in 5 languages!
One parrot to another:
– Do you know the language of men?
– Yes, they all say “ouch!” when they get too close to me!
Is the word egg masculine or feminine?
We can’t know until it has hatched!
How does a parrot get out of the water after its bath?
A man walks into a pub and says to the boss:
– If you offer me drinks all night, I put myself in entertainment expenses your customers that will be hilarious and unable to leave your ad, customer = $$$ + drink, see what I mean …. ”
Ah yes! the boss replies, and how can a little fellow like you do such a miracle?
The man takes a hamster out of his pocket and places it on the piano. The hamster starts to run and jump on the piano keys and the most wonderful music comes out that no one has heard until today.
– It’s wonderful, exclaims the boss.
With this encouragement, the man also takes out a parrot from his pocket and installs on the bar.
The hamster starts playing the piano again and the parrot accompanies it, singing in the most beautiful voice that we have ever heard; it looked like Pavarotti. All the pub patrons were amazed and stayed in the pub all night listening to the hamster and parrot perform. Business was exceptional that evening and the boss, happy as a king, said:
– I need these animals, say how much and I will pay you what you ask!
– My animals are not for sale, replied the man.
– So can you sell me just one?
– OK I’ll leave the parrot to you for $ 500.00.
The happy boss pays the ruby man on the nail, takes the parrot and takes it to the back room to make sure the man doesn’t change his mind.
A client, witness to the whole scene comes to see the man and says to him:
– You have to be really out of whack to sell such an animal for only $ 500.00….!
– Believe nothing dear sir… the hamster is ventriloquist!
What is the result of crossing a carrier pigeon and a parrot?
It is a bird that can ask for directions when it is lost …
A very staid university professor complains to the owner of the pet store that the parrot he bought has very poor language.
– I am very surprised, said the owner of the pet store, I have never heard this bird blaspheme.
– Oh, that’s not what it is, answers the professor, it is that yesterday, I heard him use the bad tense of a verb!
A stutterer enters a bird shop. He looks at the parrots, there are about twenty of them.
And then he said:
– I vouvou… jeje… I would like a grandpa… a perro… a grandpa… a roro… a…
– Sir, I don’t understand you, said the salesman.
– Jeje… I didididi… say that I wish… ach… acheache… buy a grandpa…
– Then the salesman takes him by the shoulder and walks him to the door:
– Listen, sir, if you stay here for a minute. more, you will spoil me my merchandise …
It’s the story of a guy who is going to rob an apartment. He is there with his flashlight rummaging in the drawers, when suddenly he hears a voice behind him:
– Jesus and Mary are looking at you!
Surprised, the burglar turns around, and again the voice is heard:
– Jesus and Mary are looking at you!
With his flashlight, the thief tries to locate where this voice comes from, when he sees a parrot on a perch.
The parrot says:
– Jesus and Mary are looking at you!
-Ha! it was you who said that, you funny parrot!
-Yes, it’s me, Jean-Paul the parrot, and Jesus and Mary are looking at you!
-Shut your mouth ! And first of all, Jean-Paul is not a parrot name!
– Jesus and Mary either, they are not names of Dobermans. And yet, they are watching you!
Why does yellow slice cheese taste so bad?
Because it has not been tested on mice!
It’s a guy who walks in the street and, hanging on the door of an entrance to a garden, he sees: BE CAREFUL PARROT BAD! A little at the back in the garden, he sees our animal, attached to a perch. This man, a daring fellow, laughs at the sight of the creature retained on its perch. Deciding to tempt the devil, he passes the barrier and enters the garden. Suddenly, the parrot shouts: “REX, ATTACK !!!!”
It is the story of a magician who performed his shows during cruises in the Antilles in a luxury liner. As the audience was replaced every two weeks, the magician allowed himself to repeat the same numbers over and over again without ever repeating them. Everything would have gone very well for this man if the captain’s parrot, by dint of seeing the same numbers repeating itself, had not understood what the tricks of each of his tricks were. He even began to allow himself to shout in the middle of the show:
– Look, it’s not the same hat!
– Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!
– Hey, all the cards in the deck are Aces of Diamonds!
The psittacid made the whole room laugh by his remarks, but that ended up infuriating the magician; especially since he could do nothing against the beast since the bird belonged to the captain.
One fine day, while the magician is performing, the boat hits an iceberg (what is it not possible? Okay, so let’s say it hits another boat) and it is wrecked. The magician finds himself hanging on a wooden beam in the middle of the sea, with the parrot next to him of course …
All day long the magician throws a hateful glance at the bird which is content to observe it. intensely, all day. Neither of them speaks for a day. The next day, the same; two days later, still the same. Finally, after four days,
– Okay, I’m giving up. Where did the boat go?
A woman at the parish priest:
– My father, I really like my parrot, he is really part of the family. Would you be willing to baptize him for me?
– Baptism is reserved for humans, protests the priest.
– If you do me this favor, insists the woman, I will donate $ 500.00 to the parish.
– It goes against the rules, but I imagine that we can always make an exception, accepts the priest.
A few days later, taken with remorse, he confesses to his bishop:
– The woman insisted, so I baptized the parrot and took the $ 500.00. Did I do it wrong?
– No, my son, replies the bishop. But don’t forget that I am the one who makes the confirmations!
Three parrots, a French, a Polish and a Russian meet.
The French parrot says:
– Do you realize? This morning, I had to scream to get my vegetables!
The Polish parrot asks:
– What are vegetables?
The Russian parrot:
– Screaming, what is it?
A mother parrot says to one of her chicks who have not yet left the nest:
-As you move your wings, there, it’s perfect for the breaststroke. Now, in case you prefer aerial flight to swimming, it’s up and down and bottom up that you need to wave them around.
After taking his place on the plane, a young man from a good family was very surprised to see a comfortably seated parrot in the adjoining seat. Tired and choosing to ignore the bird, he politely asks the flight attendant for a cup of coffee to keep him awake for the flight. But the parrot added bluntly and in a deafening voice, “and get me a whiskey right now, come on pronto!”
A moment later, the hostess returns with the whiskey, but not the coffee. “Hey casserole, cries the parrot again after having drunk his glass, another whiskey, and let it jump!”. Once again, the embarrassed hostess brings the parrot another drink and forgets the coffee.
The young man, frustrated at being ignored in this way, decides to try the parrot approach and exclaims “Hey you over there, are you deaf? I said: a coffee and right away from that ! ” The mustard rises to the hostess and the next moment an athletic co-pilot arrives, picks up the man and the parrot and throws them clean out of the plane.
During the dive, the parrot approaches the man to make a remark: “Well man! We can say that you have a hell of a nerve, especially from someone who has no ‘wings!
In Brazil, a man is riding a motorcycle at 120 km / h on a deserted road when he suddenly hits a small conure. He sees his victim in his rearview mirror, paws in the air, half-dead on the road. Seized with remorse, he turns around, picks up the inanimate bird, brings it home and places it in a cage with water and a little bread.
The next day, the conure regains its senses, contemplates the bars of its cage, the water, the dry bread and exclaims: “Oh my God, I killed the poor motorcyclist”.
Two parrots pass each other in the waiting room of a veterinary clinic.
– The doctor just vaccinated me.
– Ah! Yes? And against what exactly?
– Against my will, to answer the parrot.
A man is really annoyed: he caught a parrot during his morning walk. So he looks for a policeman and, having found him, asks him what to do with him.
– If you were, I would take him to the zoo, he replies.
The next day, seeing them both return, the policeman asks, surprised:
– You didn’t bring him to the zoo as I suggested?
– Obviously, to answer our man, he liked it, but today, it is to the cinema that he wishes to go …
During the Cold War, Marchais received a phone call:
– Comrade Marchais, here Comrade Brezhnev. I am in Paris for the day; can I visit you?
– Of course Comrade Brezhnev, it is a great honor.
He hangs up and his parrot immediately begins to sing a litany:
-Death Brezhnev! And he doesn’t stop.
The doorbell rings and the parrot still doesn’t stop. So, Marchais hides it in the first soundproof place that comes to mind: the freezer.
Brezhnev enters and Marchais offers him a vodka.
– Good vodka, Comrade Marchais. But we Soviets drink it fresher. Don’t move, I’ll get some ice cream.
Too late, Brezhnev opened the freezer and found himself face to face with a shivering parrot. He takes him in his arms and caresses him, saying “poor little beast”.
Marchais is very bored and has to explain the whole story to him. At that moment, the parrot starts to cry:
– Long live Brezhnev… Long live Brezhnev!
And Brezhnev to say:
-You see Comrade Marchais, the gulag is good …
At an auction, a lady falls in love with a parrot.
The stakes go up, up, and finally the lady gets the parrot for the sum of $ 3000.00. She goes to pick up her parrot when suddenly she realizes that she hasn’t even inquired about the parrot’s ability to speak. So she asks the auctioneer the question:
– By the way, you didn’t indicate whether the parrot was talking? …
And the man answered:
– And who, do you think, was systematically outbidding you ?? ?
She’s a little old woman who lives in a small apartment, alone with a parrot in a cage. He is a very intelligent parrot who plays the piano, paints, hums the whole Bizet …
Suddenly, the lady collapses on the floor, struck down: heart attack!
Listening only to his courage, the bird pinches the handle of its cage with its big beak, pulls on it and manages to open it!
So he pushes the small door and manages to get out. He flies towards the poor woman and tries in vain the mouthpiece.
He lands on her chest and tries the cardiac massage by hopping on her chest: nothing to do!
With that, remembering a first aid course seen on TV, he rushes to the medicine cabinet, turns the key with his beak and searches in vain for digitalis or any cardiac stimulant.
He then decides to fly to the phone, picks up the handset and dials 911.
The switchboard answers: “Hello ???”
The parrot: “How beautiful Coco is…!”
A guy who wants to buy a parrot sees it in the window of a pet store. He explains what he wants to the clerk who replies:
– I can offer you this one. He is bilingual French / English. I ask for $ 2000.00.
– $ 2000.00, that seems reasonable. What else do you have?
– That one. He is trilingual French / English / German. I’ll make it to you at $ 5000.00.
– Phew! $ 5000.00, I guess that must be a normal price for a parrot of this quality. Do you have others to offer me ??
– Yes I have one left, but it’s worth $ 10,000.00
– $ 10,000 !!! Ouch..! Ouch..! Ouch..! And what is he doing for that price?
– Well nothing. Or maybe…. In fact, I’ve never seen him do anything extraordinary since he’s been here. He can’t even speak!
– Is that so! So why are you asking for this exorbitant price?
– Because the other two call him “Boss”!
Just something different
General Grievous voice* This will make a fine addition to my collection!
The blue boy will sit for a while and stare into the void…
Don’t want to run out
Blue Boy is a born again Scritch-tian!
Bringer of life
Free tattoo removal
Have to do everything yourself!
Valentine’s Day is coming up!
In memory of Rudy the chattering lory
Featuring Kaitlyn Roy and bird Bandit!